The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
