Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
