These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
