Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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