Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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