based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
