The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
