like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
