that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
