So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
