my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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