at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
