i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
