Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
