I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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