their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
