the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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