i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
