your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
