You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
