Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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