I just pynch a tree in the face
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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