im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
