Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
