Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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