I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
