I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
