Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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