You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
