I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
