There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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