You're so nebulous sometimes
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
