at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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