I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Randomize
