Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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