I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
