I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think my fart just growled at me.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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