Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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