her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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