he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
