No stitches, just platelets and will power
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
