I'm lost and stupid without you.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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