when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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