i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
