I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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