cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My feet surprised me
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