I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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