We won't sleep together?
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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