okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
