guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
