im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
