Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
