There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
