One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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