It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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