I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
