College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
